i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
