dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
