Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
