He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
