i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
