i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
