He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My butt remains clenched, sir.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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