I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
