i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
