I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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