Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
