I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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