I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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