i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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