someone threw a dead crab at me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
