I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
