i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
