I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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