You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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