Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
