so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
