i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
even my farts smell like vagina
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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