I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
wow bdsm is so cute
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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