Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
