Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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