She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
