I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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