took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
