I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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