Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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