Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
