so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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