Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
