I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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