plz talk dirty to me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
