I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
