he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
