sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
