A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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