It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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