I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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