can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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