He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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