the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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