He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
