I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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