That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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