Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
