I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
