So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
