It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
