i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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