could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
