I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
