well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
