he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
