my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
