We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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