The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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